Rainbow Baby

Jan 10th 2015 11DPO (days past ovulation) I wasn't expecting much that morning, my cycles had been wonky and I was pretty sure my lutheal phase was short. I was preparing to go talk to my doctor after my period came for Clomid. Somehow as I dropped the urine on the 88c Wal-Mart cassette test I started to see a second faint pink line!! I had this whole idea on how I would surprise my husband with the news when we finally got a positive, but all of that went straight out the window. I said with total excitement and shock "Babe, I swear there's 2 lines!" I came walking into our bedroom from the bathroom carefully holding the test flat in the palm of my hand so it would develop properly and showed my husband. "I see it!!!" he proclaimed but I still wasn't fully convinced. So naturally I took another test this time an answer strip and as the first test sat the line got darker! A few minutes later I notice the answer strip has a faint second line! Tears started running down my face as I looked at my husband "We did it babe, we actually did it. We're gonna have our sweet rainbow" That moment of complete realization that I was actually pregnant again, one month before Austen's angelversary was so surreal. 2014 for us no matter the good that did happen, will always be the year our baby died. The pain and torture from losing him was almost too much for me to bare. There were times where I didn't think I could go on living without him. This baby, our precious rainbow is way more than just a child. This baby is our miracle and the reason I can finally feel a little peace, the brightest light like a lighthouse leading me to safety. This child is my hope for a future filled with so much love and laughter. I want to be a mom to a child I don't have to give back, I've always wanted to be a mom. I have so much love to give that my heart has ached for a child to give it too. I KNOW how big of a blessing our baby is. I know women who are still struggling to conceive and it really breaks my heart because I want so badly for all women to be able to have the experience of being pregnant with the greatest gift in life. They deserve it and I pray to God every night to bless these wonderful women with a child. I want them to know they have my love and support. I know what it's like to battle infertility, it's TORTURE. Every month you get filled with hope then it's taken away. Having to go through that month after month year after year took a huge tool on me. I have PCOS & Thyroid disease. It took us 12 years to conceive Austen. I won't take a single second of this gift from God for granted for I know what it's like for it to be ripped from you in the blink of an eye. I'm so scared. Every cramp I run to the bathroom just praying there's no blood. It's really hard being high risk but worth every single second.

My first ob appointment is Feb 2nd. One day before the day we lost Austen a year ago and at the same hospital. It's going to be hard walking in there again but also a blessing because I'm walking in there with second chance. I just pray everything is ok with the baby and when we get our ultrasound everything will be fine and I can finally breath a little. I'm not sure how far along I am because as I said my cycles have been wonky and it appears I have a slight lutheal phase defect but I don't know for sure because I got pregnant and can't say if AF would of been adjusted from the supplements I was taken. Based on my cycle length and last period I'm due in September and I'm 6 weeks today 😁 We'll know for sure once we have our first ultrasound! It could be off by a few days.

Updates from my last post
1:) I got a double (Transabdominal Cerclage) aka TAC placed by Dr Arthur Haney on October 9th 2014. He placed two bands!! I feel like my cervix should be in Marvel and have some sort of super power